Diary of a Fat Chick

I am done…

I am frustrated, hurt and just plain finished. I can’t keep this up.

To all my followers,

Thank you for showing me support. It means a lot to me and i just wanted to let you know that you are all awsome, each and every one of you. Thank you again and hope everyone has a great day. Ciao for now.

Feels good to do my exercises again. it has been about a week since the last time since i did them. i am getting better and more involved with my body. i like it. since getting sick about 2 weeks ago, i have had no energy to do anything. but now i am feeling better and i am doing more. can’t wait til i see the result from all this hard work.

I am kinda scared that there will be no result and that i am doing this for nothing. i am worried that i will never be skinny enough for people to look at me and say “wow, she’s beautiful”. I looked at a pic of me back when my child was one year old (over 10 years ago) and i noticed that i was fat there too. will i never be skinny again? even in highschool, i was bigger than everyone else. It just frustrates me and upsets me. when people look at me all they see is my fat and not who i truly am? i know before i was not healthy but i am working on it. ya, that’s another thing. when i walk into a health food place and ask for something proper / healthy to eat, everyone stares at me as if they are thinking “ya right, like you EVER eat this type of thing. Look at you, you are a heffer….”, etc. a lot of days, i just want to give up and not care at all. i see where i have come from and don’t see any change. it hurts and i get down on myself. i never knew that getting healthy would be so hard and so slow. ya i know, “it didn’t take one day to put the weight on, it won’t come off in one day” but you would think that doing all that i am doing, and how fhacking fat i am, it would just fall off. but no. so i will just have to keep looking at this shity body and hoping and waiting til i can say i am better and look good. *grabs a blanket and covers up and hides* ciao for now

Anonymous asked: What dress size do you wear?

I wear triple moo. LOL Honestly, I am not sure what size i am for a dress since i don’t wear dresses much due to my weight. thank you for the inquiry

monthly update….

Didn’t do so well this month. The first month i lost 10 lbs and like 9 inches. Mar i lost only inches. this month i lost 7 lbs and only 2 inches. gawd damn it. i am eating healthy, with a few binge days in there and i am exercising more, but it does not seem to matter. well time to cut out more of the binge days. no more treats, or eating just becasue someone else is, no more of any of that. if i want to hit my mini goal of 250 by my bday, then there is a lot more work i need to to. two and a half months left to lose just under 30 lbs. AAAARRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate being fat and ugly and useless. ya ya, i know i am losing weight, but not the weight that i should be for being healthy and……. ah, who am i kidding. i wont be able to do it. i can’t seem to do anything. oh well. enough whining. time to do something. i guess it is time for me to clean.

this sucks

really wish i had support here in my home. even while i was sick, no one helped with anything in the home. and on top of that, i feel like i don’t have ANY support with my health journey. it’s sad when i support and stand behind everyone who needs me, but when i need it, no one is there for me. am i that big of a loser for no one to want to help me? am i that ugly for no one to care? i really don’t know, but it does hurt a lot. i hope no one else is having the same issues as me. this really sucks.

just for fun…..

We always compare your weight loss to others but let’s do it to random things. I thought this would be fun and interesting. .

1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human’s skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale’s brain
20 pounds = an automobile tire
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephant’s heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant’s penis (yep, weights more than his heart!)
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the World’s Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she’s 5’11”)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she’s 5’4”)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony

I am almost at the amount of cheese and average american eats in a year. What about you?

hmmmm

if you lost a certain amount of weight to get healthy and look good, would you not think that your sig other would be happy and supportive? I did. but it seems like whenever i get talking about me getting healthy and skinnier, he don’t care. hmmmm. am i looking too far into this or am i strangely correct in this thought? i am trying to do this for him AND me. Arg. i hate these types of dilemas (ya i know its not that big, but since he is my only support, it means a lot to me).

being sick sucks

had a few great days and then just two days ago, i started feeling crappy. woke up this morning and my throat killed me. it was like i ats lots of glass and sandpaper. ARGGGG, i hate being sick. so my appatite is lowered now and my liquid intake is increased. LOL. Interesting way to lose weight. LOL. i just hope that i am not sick for too long. I only have one more week before i get updates.

on a better note, i got to see someone who i have not seen in a couple of years. got to talk to her one on one and she gave me the best compliment. she told me i am looking awsome. the before visit, she told me that i looked sick. I didnt walk well and i looked bad. but now i look well (according to her). Now I am not looking for compliments, but it is nice to hear that. so i guess i am doing something right. now here’s hoping i can get feeling better fast.

all my best to all my followers. *heart* you all. ciao for now

wow what a change

i totally binged yesterday and boy am i feeling the effects now. i broke down and had a poutine about 1pm and ate most of it, then went to my mom’s place and had some macaroni salad (didn’t even eat half of it) and then while watching a movie i had some cheesies. OMFG! I can’t believe how shitty i feel today. I am tired, lethargic and just down right icky. I couldn’t even do my dancing last night. No more for me. If this is how my body is going to react then enough. Oh and I am writing this down so I can revisit this and remember NOT to repeat again. So now i am dowsing myself with water today in hopes to cleanse my body and honestly, i still feel full from yesterday so i am not eating too much today. by tomorrow, i will be fine (i hope). But it is surprising how shitty the body feels with crap after being healthy for a bit. LESSON LEARNED!!!!!.

my weigh-in is coming up and i am hoping that i will have a lot of changes this month. I need this.

I hope everyone is well and doing good in their journeys. Until next time, ciao for now.

Anonymous asked: what are your favorite movies/tv shows?

i am a huge fan of Sailor Moon and most 80\s cartoons. as for tv shows, i like House, Fringe, Biggest Loser, Top Model, Numb3rs and a few others.

Anonymous asked: are you happy in ur current relationship?

I do have a significant other, the same guy i have been with for over a decade (minus the bumps in the road). LOL

Anonymous asked: do u hate anyone

at this moment, no. i am not happy with a few people or myself but not hate. ty for the question

honesty time….

Right now i am bored (house is all clean and there is nothing on TV) so i am opening up to any and all questions today. From noon til midnight today (being wed.) I will answer any and all questions sent to me honestly and openly. you can add your name or not, either way. so let’s see what you all have to ask. Who’s first?